I’ve Diluted Myself!

by Diana Ramsey (Northern Virginia)

Turn up the music so I can fade out the loud banging of my conscience hitting my heart. Roll down the window so the tears that fall out my eyes can be brushed away quickly before anyone recognizes my pain. Let me close my eyes so I won’t see the person I have become. Pour me one more shot of whatever this is that is making my body feel tingly with sin and temptation. I want to dilute myself of the purity I was born into, cause if I do I won’t have to hear my conscience, feel my tears, deal with this pain, see myself going to hell, or even be conscience enough to care. I’ve diluted so much of my soul that not even the holiest of prayers can drag me out. If I could take out all the bad I’ve diluted myself with, would I be clean again? Probably not, cause I would still walk around bearing the scars of a sinner. I was born into sin and with my help I will die just the same. I sit in church wanting to feel the Holy Ghost but I’m left in shame. The woman beside me was more worthy of this righteous takeover. Holy Ghost probably could get past all of my many distractions to whisper God’s love for me in my ear. See we all have diluted ourselves in one way or another. You read this poem from the outside in, now read it from the inside out, replacing the I’s with Me’s because you see yourself in between these words somehow. Dilution is the pollution of the soul, and like I said before…I’ve diluted myself………….